this winter has been a cold wretched experience. the last month and a half have been a blessing though. my two wonderful children are spending their days with me now. once again i can see them rise and shine during the day and then set in the evening. no material possession could ever take their place in my life. the work i put in is equal to that of a man who re-engineers a machine with only the style and vision of what he feels is true beauty. now the snow is melting and the trickle of water is the tell tale sign that the seasons natural cycle will bring life to what was once dead and grey. this last weekend was a lovely one as well, truth to the saying that true love never dies and the sane will never understand "stubborn love". but not just love of someone special but love of what i feel i have lost. regret of the mistakes i have made in life. regret of all the trouble i have got myself into and how i can probably never return to the city where i cut my teeth. the regret of a summer long rampage of lawlessness and tribute to an outlaw lifestyle hurt myself more than any sort of physical pain. but i did it to myself and now i must pay the price. i miss kansas city, i miss the friends i once had. i miss the ones who gave me my style and inspiration. i miss you guys and i'm sorry. but most importantly i miss the one woman who i truly hurt the most. you don't realise what you had until its gone with the wind.